Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
