Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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