I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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