If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
