I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
