I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
