Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
