Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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