i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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