@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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