She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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