Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
