the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
