Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
