The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
