Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
