Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize