If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
