Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
