everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I haven't been this sober since birth.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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