Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
