I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Jerry, you need to find god
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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