i permit you to call me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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