I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
