I swear she didn't look like that last week.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
