If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
