I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
