did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize