i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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