Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
MIDGETS
????
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
