chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
