I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
