walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
