My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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