is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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