Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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