she woke up with a sticky ear
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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