he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
