she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
