Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
