So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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