What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize