I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
