and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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