i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
