Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
