I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
