And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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