Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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