I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
