So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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