my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
