we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
