I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
