My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
