i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize