I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
