Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
