I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
