just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
