these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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