dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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