He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I didn't notice because vodka
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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