She is in my trunk
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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