Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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