i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
