You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
