Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The feeling are messing with the penis
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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