Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
