I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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