you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
