im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
